it seemed to him that there must be something meaningful out there. for all the
places he looked, there were only more barren rooms full of pollution and decay,
and yet he knew that there must be more. maybe it was the peace of his own
destruction that he sought, maybe it was a divine revelation that would give him
purpose and fulfillment. there was magic left somewhere in the universe and in
places like these the veil seemed thin, as though he might open a door and find
himself bathed in a radiance that would answer all his questions and silence
whatever it was that drove him to push harder and harder and harder, burning
himself away in the process. he could ascend to the top of every ladder, search
every basement, and yet there was still nothing. in the darkest corners there was
only more darkness, and in the soft sunlight there was only a restlessness that
made him ache. it was as though no matter where he was, it was never the right
place - as though he existed a little ahead of, or behind, the time he was meant
for, and he was beginning to feel the trail of breadcrumbs he was following didn't
lead anywhere at all, that even if he did find some sort of catalyst it would be too
late because there was no love left in his heart.
maybe the universe had turned her back on him. while he could catch glimpses
of the celestial machinery throbbing somewhere beneath the surface of his
perceptions, it was never quite visible. there was always one more catwalk to
climb, always one more door to open. he was almost certain by this point that
wherever the answer was, it was sealed away forever in some place locked from
the inside.
places he looked, there were only more barren rooms full of pollution and decay,
and yet he knew that there must be more. maybe it was the peace of his own
destruction that he sought, maybe it was a divine revelation that would give him
purpose and fulfillment. there was magic left somewhere in the universe and in
places like these the veil seemed thin, as though he might open a door and find
himself bathed in a radiance that would answer all his questions and silence
whatever it was that drove him to push harder and harder and harder, burning
himself away in the process. he could ascend to the top of every ladder, search
every basement, and yet there was still nothing. in the darkest corners there was
only more darkness, and in the soft sunlight there was only a restlessness that
made him ache. it was as though no matter where he was, it was never the right
place - as though he existed a little ahead of, or behind, the time he was meant
for, and he was beginning to feel the trail of breadcrumbs he was following didn't
lead anywhere at all, that even if he did find some sort of catalyst it would be too
late because there was no love left in his heart.
maybe the universe had turned her back on him. while he could catch glimpses
of the celestial machinery throbbing somewhere beneath the surface of his
perceptions, it was never quite visible. there was always one more catwalk to
climb, always one more door to open. he was almost certain by this point that
wherever the answer was, it was sealed away forever in some place locked from
the inside.
locked from the inside
photo taken at portside power plant
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